2019, what’s it going to be like for you? Right about now a lot of us will have goals to appreciably change a small or large part of our lives; either what we eat, what we do, who we see, or the way we operate in the world. The holidays around a new year seem to give us a little time to pause, reflect and set new goals. To have the best chance of success I’m not going to arouse shame, shout slogans at you, or get you to sign up to the latest and greatest life coaching manual. I want to remind you of the research in attachment theory, which provides you with support and security needed for change. So to make the most of that January shine, let’s look at someone old that can help us become someone new in 2019.
Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space. Originally developed by eminent psychiatrist John Bowlby, attachment theory is focused on understanding the function of relationships and bonds between people, particularly long-term relationships, primarily those between a parent and child and between romantic partners.
Without swamping you with theory (although it is fascinating and so important for understanding what and why we do what we do – particularly in relation to others), an attachment figure serves three purposes:
First, we tend to seek and benefit from being close to our attachment figures in times of need. Who do you turn to when the world has dumped on your head?
Second, they serve as a safe haven when we’re struggling and life’s got us on the hop. Here they can be a source ofcomfort, support, protection, and respite.
Third, an attachment figure serves as a secure base, allowing us to pursue nonattachment goals safely. So we can explore, take risks, and grow into that better version of us we all can imagine.
So who are the important people in your life? Use the holiday period to reinforce the connections with your attachment figures. Give them a call, pay them a visit and make a deposit into the relationship. For those figures who you think will be supportive (and non-judgemental!) you might even share your new goals. Either way, filling your corner with attachment support is going to help you become the best 2019 version of you!